COUPLE COUNSELLING
Throughout my experience working with couples, I have come to observe three fundamental factors essential in creating and maintaining healthy communication in relationships: Self-identity, Vulnerability, and Receptivity
Self-identity- A natural merge occurs when we make the decision to love and be in a committed relationship. Although there is beauty found when two hearts become one, I have experienced that over the years we develop a sense of security in the thought that our happiness rests upon our partner’s shoulders, simultaneously handing over the worthiness of our own wants and needs. Therefore I begin with understanding each partner’s individual needs and expectations within the relationship.
During our sessions the primary focus is placed on each of you strengthening self-awareness in order to build loyalty to your own needs and wants. Our goal is to develop an accurate and intuitive understanding of where you are, separate from the relationship you share. Together we will acknowledge your fears and uncertainties to better recognize your own behaviors and goals within the relationship.
Each person must be able to stand independently in order to be present and emotionally available first to themselves and then to their loved ones. This approach derives from the understanding that the best thing you can do for yourself will ultimately be the best thing for your relationship and your family. By establishing our own personal value we find a sense of security within ourselves and realize that we are each responsible for our own individual happiness and self-worth.
Vulnerability- Through uncertain times we often numb our capacity of being vulnerable with each other in order to protect ourselves from being susceptible to our fears, insecurities, or simply because keeping the peace is a lot easier. What we don’t realize is that we cannot selectively numb our negative emotions, we also numb ourselves from the emotions that bring us connectivity. Once each of you has established a clear sense of your needs and wants from the relationship, we will work towards expanding your perception through vulnerability.
In order to understand the dynamics of your relationship, we must be vulnerable enough to discover what is influencing each other’s perspective and your truths. Therefore at this stage, we build on walking through this space unarmed and willing to take the emotional risk of exposing our concerns and expectations to one another. Collaboratively we create a space that embraces vulnerability and where we allow ourselves to surrender and make ourselves better known to our partner. This step will take courage, confidence, honesty, and trust within yourselves and in the process.
Receptivity- To quote C.Tang “Sometimes knowing that you are being heard but not understood could be more painful than expressing your feelings”. Receptivity is easily neglected during times of hardship and tends to be replaced by reactivity. Where overtime we grow accustomed to initiating our fight or flight responses to preserve what little we have left to give. Allowing ourselves to constructively express our truths to the right person is freeing, however, each of you must make the conscious decision to truly intend to understand. Counseling will facilitate communication, mutual respect, and appreciation by fostering an open and honest space where each of you can experience connectedness through emotional availability.
One thing I have learned over the years is that we never outgrow our longing to be heard, so let this be a place where we embrace it. We cannot ask our partner to accomplish something we, ourselves, are not willing or ready to do. Together we will work towards developing these three facets, promote an understanding of your needs and wants both individually and as a unit, and identify whether your relationship can fulfill those requirements to promote healthier decisions and behaviors. My hope is for each of you to learn how to manage your differences productively and to acknowledge that we are all accountable. The success of a partnership is not in questioning whether we have found the “right” person or in the attempt of trying to “fix” our significant other, but in our ability, as partners to adjust to and for the person, we have chosen to love.
Length of Sessions: 1 hour
Rate: $180+HST